I had a similar situation as you growing up that continued until Merry Christmas filthy muggle Christmas shirt. As my mood disorder/Bipolar II started ramping up about age 15, I wasn’t available any more to perform for my mother. As a result, I became worthless to her as she never worked, and was a nothing living vicariously through me as I was a classical pianist, that she could brag about to her bridge club. In other words, she wanted the good parts of my life, but not the bad and was unwilling to put forth the effort to see if we could get the good part back.
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It was easier for her to simply squander her energy and Merry Christmas filthy muggle Christmas shirt and my actions for the (gasp) shame I was bringing to the family, instead of reaching out for advice from a professional. In a nutshell, If I had won the lottery, she would have berated me in front of everyone for spending the buck to buy the ticket. And that’s the way it went. I could do -nothing- right, no how, no way. I wasted my efforts for years trying to win her approval, but it was never going to come. While she was busy hating, I was reaching out however, learned the coping mechanism of labeling her a toxic parent, and getting away from her.